I have been studying 1 John in small groups and from podcast with Mars Hill in Grand Rapids. Something just hit me tonight as one of my small groups studying 1 John came to a close. How can we understand the love of God? How can we ever love someone fully like God loved us. We try to put others before ourselves, which is what the book tells us is a visual display of God's love in our lives. God sent his Son. Okay, how many of us have volunteered our loved ones to be tortured and beaten. How many of us have sent our children to die. That is a whole other kind of love. Would be send our child to death if it meant another would live? I do not know if I could do that. Even if my child was willing to sacrifice him/herself. It would be the hardest thing to do.
We receive the love of Jesus who came to die for our sins, but we also receive the love of a Father who gave up his Son for us. How in our lives can we love like that?
Peace
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Time Flies and the Future becomes the Present
This year has been short. I have learned so much, about God, my relationship with him, families, and so much more. I feel like I am 18 again going to college for the first time. I know that I am suppose to go to Divinity School. I want to go to Divinity School. I think, for the first time, I am actually scared about my future. So scared I want to cry.
God help me, Father I need your guidance. I am shooting in the dark, it feels like at least. I am unsure. What if this is not what I am suppose to do. But, what if it is and I don't go. I have so many ideas that pop into my head about what I could do. How can I do all of these things and still afford to live. How can I write possibly a book and still eat. How can I study Greek and Hebrew and learn how to teach others about church history without going to school. I want to see people grow in their faith, I want to spend a live time seeing women realize that they are loved and that they do not have to believe the lies the world tells us. I want women to grow into godly women and marry godly men. I want to marry a godly man and raise godly children for the next generation. How can I do this and eat. The only answer is with God's help. I cannot do anything with out the power of the Holy Spirit working inside me. What if God wants me to speak in front of people. God did you see my preaching final tape. God don't you know I bounce when I get excited, and talking about you gets me excited, my leg bounces when I am sitting down listening to what you are doing in my life. God me really you are picking me to do this. I know I have been through a lot and I know that you have saved me from those situations. God I do not know how this is going to work but if it is your will, then lets go. Lets do this thing. I don't even know what this thing is. If I am going to be single for my life lets do it. who need a husband. I will find a way to help guide young women to grow in you. I will volunteer in church, brother and sister programs, I will do what it takes for my passion to become my vocation. Father, all I want is to see your kingdom grow now. To see your children come to you. I do not know your will for my life God but, I know you will be beside me walking and guiding my way. Father, I feel unprepared, unimportant, a nobody. I am, nothing without you. You are what wakes me in the morning and you are what I fall asleep with. One day I will see your face, i pray full of joy saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Father, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, in my life, my family's life, and all those who love you. Let your perfect plan unfold before our eyes.
Amen
God help me, Father I need your guidance. I am shooting in the dark, it feels like at least. I am unsure. What if this is not what I am suppose to do. But, what if it is and I don't go. I have so many ideas that pop into my head about what I could do. How can I do all of these things and still afford to live. How can I write possibly a book and still eat. How can I study Greek and Hebrew and learn how to teach others about church history without going to school. I want to see people grow in their faith, I want to spend a live time seeing women realize that they are loved and that they do not have to believe the lies the world tells us. I want women to grow into godly women and marry godly men. I want to marry a godly man and raise godly children for the next generation. How can I do this and eat. The only answer is with God's help. I cannot do anything with out the power of the Holy Spirit working inside me. What if God wants me to speak in front of people. God did you see my preaching final tape. God don't you know I bounce when I get excited, and talking about you gets me excited, my leg bounces when I am sitting down listening to what you are doing in my life. God me really you are picking me to do this. I know I have been through a lot and I know that you have saved me from those situations. God I do not know how this is going to work but if it is your will, then lets go. Lets do this thing. I don't even know what this thing is. If I am going to be single for my life lets do it. who need a husband. I will find a way to help guide young women to grow in you. I will volunteer in church, brother and sister programs, I will do what it takes for my passion to become my vocation. Father, all I want is to see your kingdom grow now. To see your children come to you. I do not know your will for my life God but, I know you will be beside me walking and guiding my way. Father, I feel unprepared, unimportant, a nobody. I am, nothing without you. You are what wakes me in the morning and you are what I fall asleep with. One day I will see your face, i pray full of joy saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Father, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, in my life, my family's life, and all those who love you. Let your perfect plan unfold before our eyes.
Amen
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Knowing and Believing Part 4
What happens when we delay going to the Father our sin turns into guilt, guilt turns into shame. The father does not want us to live in shame. Shame will overwhelm us, it makes us feel trapped and alone.
We can approach the cross in confidence. The confidence comes from knowing God is a loving God, and our sins are forgiven already.
Picture a child has been sent to his room, he or she has to wait for his/her Father comes home. The child broke something, or did something wrong. How is the kid feeling? The child is in his/her room feeling guilty, and that guilt is turning into shame.
The Father comes home, walks upstairs and into the child’s room. The shame of the child brings him/her to tears, unable to express the remorse and sorrow he/she is feeling.
The father picks the child up, wipes away the tears. He understands the pain, remorse. “I love you,” says the father, “I know you are sorry, please try not to do it again.” “I Love you and I know you are better than this.”
The child was forgiven before the father walked up the stairs, before he drove into the driveway, before the father left work.
Shame brought the child to tears. We do not have to hold onto this shame. We confess our sin to the Father who has already forgiven our past and future sins.
“I love you, please try not to do it again”
“I love you, you are so much better than this”
God love us so much. He sent is Son not only to bring us back to him but to show us the life that God wants us to have. Bringing heaven to earth.
God sees how our lives could be.
Believing that God loves us changes our actions. Believing in God and in Jesus and in the Holy Spirit gives us the power, confidence, strength to create heaven on earth.
We can approach the cross in confidence. The confidence comes from knowing God is a loving God, and our sins are forgiven already.
Picture a child has been sent to his room, he or she has to wait for his/her Father comes home. The child broke something, or did something wrong. How is the kid feeling? The child is in his/her room feeling guilty, and that guilt is turning into shame.
The Father comes home, walks upstairs and into the child’s room. The shame of the child brings him/her to tears, unable to express the remorse and sorrow he/she is feeling.
The father picks the child up, wipes away the tears. He understands the pain, remorse. “I love you,” says the father, “I know you are sorry, please try not to do it again.” “I Love you and I know you are better than this.”
The child was forgiven before the father walked up the stairs, before he drove into the driveway, before the father left work.
Shame brought the child to tears. We do not have to hold onto this shame. We confess our sin to the Father who has already forgiven our past and future sins.
“I love you, please try not to do it again”
“I love you, you are so much better than this”
God love us so much. He sent is Son not only to bring us back to him but to show us the life that God wants us to have. Bringing heaven to earth.
God sees how our lives could be.
Believing that God loves us changes our actions. Believing in God and in Jesus and in the Holy Spirit gives us the power, confidence, strength to create heaven on earth.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Knowing and Believing Part 3
We need love. That is why people search for love in all the wrong places. We settle for the lust of others, like I did seeking it from boys, instead of the perfect love of God.
We needed to be reconciled to God. He sent Jesus. We needed to learn how to live again. He sent Jesus. We needed someone to take away our wickedness and sin. He sent Jesus.
We need God’s love.
God does not need ours.
God is perfect on his own. He is complete. He might be the glue that holds us together but we are not his glue. He is whole and complete.
God the Father
We are Children of God
Just like Children to our earthly parents, we mess up with our Heavenly Father. We make stupid mistakes and the best answer we have to why, is “I don’t know.” I believe that God the mighty and perfect Father allows us to suffer the consequences. I think God sends us to our rooms on occasion.
As a kid I got caught doing everything, or my older siblings blamed me, you know being the youngest and all. But I remember all to well the paddle that was in the basement.
This might sound weird, but I praise God for giving my parents the decernment to catch me. I would have tried to do so much more than I did. I always had the fear of getting caught, I never tried to get away with too much.
Recently, I was talking with my parents. My mom said that she knew about all of the things I thought I got away with. How I do not know how she knew but she did. My mom said she was waiting for me to tell her.
God already knows what we have done. He is waiting for us to tell him.
Confession
Telling God we screwed up. He already knows, you think it would be easy. One thing that will keep us away from confession is pride. We feel it when we accomplish something, our pride gets hurt when we are teased or abused.
Our pride keeps us from going to the Father.
We needed to be reconciled to God. He sent Jesus. We needed to learn how to live again. He sent Jesus. We needed someone to take away our wickedness and sin. He sent Jesus.
We need God’s love.
God does not need ours.
God is perfect on his own. He is complete. He might be the glue that holds us together but we are not his glue. He is whole and complete.
God the Father
We are Children of God
Just like Children to our earthly parents, we mess up with our Heavenly Father. We make stupid mistakes and the best answer we have to why, is “I don’t know.” I believe that God the mighty and perfect Father allows us to suffer the consequences. I think God sends us to our rooms on occasion.
As a kid I got caught doing everything, or my older siblings blamed me, you know being the youngest and all. But I remember all to well the paddle that was in the basement.
This might sound weird, but I praise God for giving my parents the decernment to catch me. I would have tried to do so much more than I did. I always had the fear of getting caught, I never tried to get away with too much.
Recently, I was talking with my parents. My mom said that she knew about all of the things I thought I got away with. How I do not know how she knew but she did. My mom said she was waiting for me to tell her.
God already knows what we have done. He is waiting for us to tell him.
Confession
Telling God we screwed up. He already knows, you think it would be easy. One thing that will keep us away from confession is pride. We feel it when we accomplish something, our pride gets hurt when we are teased or abused.
Our pride keeps us from going to the Father.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Knowing and Believing Part 2
Turning knowledge to believe was and is difficult for me.
Believing God loves me. Believing in God the Father. Believing I am a child of God. Believing I am worth dying for.
How do these beliefs shape our lives.
God loves me! God Loves Me!!! Say it, Scream it… God Loves ME!!!!!
Not as the person I will become one day. But, God loves me as I am now. Just as I am. This is huge. God’s love empowers us. It gives us the confidence to be us.
The strength and confidence to be comfortable in our own skin, God’s love gives us the confidence in accepting ourselves for who we are.
To be okay with the way we look. To be okay with the way we sound. To be okay with everything about ourselves.
God’s love gives us the strength to be ourselves.
His love is what keeps us going. When we feel the pressures of the world surround us. God’s love is there to help us break through the pressures and keep going. Through the thick and thin God is there.
His love is perfect.
Perfect enough to give us a choice, to love him back or to turn away. If a person turns away and rejects God, he still loves them.
God still loves them.
Unconditional Love
Never Ending Love
This empowering love is enough. But God continues to give us grace and mercy every day.
God is our Father
What do you think the best kind of father would be? God is better than any thing we could come up with. God is bigger and better than anything we could ever imagine. Praise God.
When I think about the characteristics of a father I think that he wants the best for his kids. I think that he puts their needs above his own.
Believing God loves me. Believing in God the Father. Believing I am a child of God. Believing I am worth dying for.
How do these beliefs shape our lives.
God loves me! God Loves Me!!! Say it, Scream it… God Loves ME!!!!!
Not as the person I will become one day. But, God loves me as I am now. Just as I am. This is huge. God’s love empowers us. It gives us the confidence to be us.
The strength and confidence to be comfortable in our own skin, God’s love gives us the confidence in accepting ourselves for who we are.
To be okay with the way we look. To be okay with the way we sound. To be okay with everything about ourselves.
God’s love gives us the strength to be ourselves.
His love is what keeps us going. When we feel the pressures of the world surround us. God’s love is there to help us break through the pressures and keep going. Through the thick and thin God is there.
His love is perfect.
Perfect enough to give us a choice, to love him back or to turn away. If a person turns away and rejects God, he still loves them.
God still loves them.
Unconditional Love
Never Ending Love
This empowering love is enough. But God continues to give us grace and mercy every day.
God is our Father
What do you think the best kind of father would be? God is better than any thing we could come up with. God is bigger and better than anything we could ever imagine. Praise God.
When I think about the characteristics of a father I think that he wants the best for his kids. I think that he puts their needs above his own.
Knowing and Believing Part 1
There is a big difference between these two words. I knowing something is true, for example car exhaust pollutes the atmosphere. It is proven it is a true fact. Believing that car exhaust is harmful, begins to change the way I live. I start driving less, I ride my bike places. Putting your beliefs in something changes the way you think, and behave. It changes your daily activities.
I know God loves me.
I know that Christ died for me.
For, those who grew up in the church we have all sung the children’s song, “Jesus Loves me.” This love does not stop at knowing that this is true. Believing in God’s love for us changes the way I view myself, and in turn changes how I act. It changes my daily behaviors.
Going from knowing to believing can be one of the hardest transitions.
When I was around twelve my brother bet me. I would be afraid everytime he would come home from school. My parents did not come to my defense.
Where my father failed me in showing that I am worth protecting, showing me he loved me, there became a hole.
Soon after this my friend invited me to First Priority, where I heard someone present the Gospel and I took Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was also told that God was God the Father.
The truth is, if we had fathers that wronged us in some way they have ruined our idea of God the Father. If our father abused us, we think God the Father will abouse us. If our father was absent, God the Father is absent.
When we lack a father in our lives, boys stay boys into adulthood, girls seek our love, identity in all the wrong places.
When I began to see being noticed by boys I started seeking their “love,” their approval, their acceptance.
I had a person come up to me, when I was working, and tell me I had a nice body. I lied to my parents about seeing boys behind their backs. I lied to coaches, employers, to youth pastors and myself.
I did all of these things, and I was a believer, a born again Christian. I knew that God loved me, but I never believed it.
I know God loves me.
I know that Christ died for me.
For, those who grew up in the church we have all sung the children’s song, “Jesus Loves me.” This love does not stop at knowing that this is true. Believing in God’s love for us changes the way I view myself, and in turn changes how I act. It changes my daily behaviors.
Going from knowing to believing can be one of the hardest transitions.
When I was around twelve my brother bet me. I would be afraid everytime he would come home from school. My parents did not come to my defense.
Where my father failed me in showing that I am worth protecting, showing me he loved me, there became a hole.
Soon after this my friend invited me to First Priority, where I heard someone present the Gospel and I took Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was also told that God was God the Father.
The truth is, if we had fathers that wronged us in some way they have ruined our idea of God the Father. If our father abused us, we think God the Father will abouse us. If our father was absent, God the Father is absent.
When we lack a father in our lives, boys stay boys into adulthood, girls seek our love, identity in all the wrong places.
When I began to see being noticed by boys I started seeking their “love,” their approval, their acceptance.
I had a person come up to me, when I was working, and tell me I had a nice body. I lied to my parents about seeing boys behind their backs. I lied to coaches, employers, to youth pastors and myself.
I did all of these things, and I was a believer, a born again Christian. I knew that God loved me, but I never believed it.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
19 Weeks
As of April 1, I have 19 weeks left until my time being a nanny ends. I have learned a lot. Much more than I thought I needed to learn. God has been faithful in putting me in this place. Lately I have been feeling more comfortable with attending New Life Community Church, I meet friends during the week, after 7 months I am feeling more and more at home. Just in time to move again.
My job now is to find a place to live in August. There are many different places to choose from. I would love my friend to move up here and I would live in the city more if she wanted. There is a great place about 15 minutes from campus that I could afford, and I really would like to live there.
At the moment I am looking for prices and what is reasonable. In late June I will begin looking at apartments and decided where I will live. I have never had to search for a place to live like this before. I hope to find a place that I will be able to stay for my whole duration of Graduate school. I have moved so much in the past, I want to settle down a little bit.
I am so excited for August. I cannot wait to be in school again. I know Grad school will be hard, but I am up for the challenge.
My job now is to find a place to live in August. There are many different places to choose from. I would love my friend to move up here and I would live in the city more if she wanted. There is a great place about 15 minutes from campus that I could afford, and I really would like to live there.
At the moment I am looking for prices and what is reasonable. In late June I will begin looking at apartments and decided where I will live. I have never had to search for a place to live like this before. I hope to find a place that I will be able to stay for my whole duration of Graduate school. I have moved so much in the past, I want to settle down a little bit.
I am so excited for August. I cannot wait to be in school again. I know Grad school will be hard, but I am up for the challenge.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Dust Pile
Today was sweeping day. Well most days are sweeping days. Anyways, I had my dust pile all nice and neat pile. One of the boys decides to walk into the kitchen right as I walk away to get the dust pan and little broom. I saw his eyes flicker over to the pile of dirt and dust. He knew he cannot walk through the pile. If he did the dirt would stick to his socks and and slowly leave footprints across the freshly cleaned floor. He knows this and yet he walks up to the pile and gets as close as he can to the edge of the pile, without getting too dirty.
I feel like the pile of dirt can be different temptations in our lives. I know I am tempted and sometimes I have gotten as close as I can to the edge, so that I still come back with clean feet.
This state of constant temptation is not where God wants us to live. He wants us to live completely in and for him. He wants the temptations of this world to fall away. It is difficult to withstand temptations. There are so many we have to deal with in society today.
The dust piles are numerous, do not let that discourage you. One pile at a time, and sooner or later the piles become less tempting.
I feel like the pile of dirt can be different temptations in our lives. I know I am tempted and sometimes I have gotten as close as I can to the edge, so that I still come back with clean feet.
This state of constant temptation is not where God wants us to live. He wants us to live completely in and for him. He wants the temptations of this world to fall away. It is difficult to withstand temptations. There are so many we have to deal with in society today.
The dust piles are numerous, do not let that discourage you. One pile at a time, and sooner or later the piles become less tempting.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Community
One thing I have learned since I have been here is the importance of community. I always knew in theory that community is important, and I never had to try to find community until I moved to Chicago.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Hope
What joy we have in the Lord. I do not know why but God is loving and merciful to us. I am so excited about living my life for him. Sometimes I think about what nonbelievers live for. I live for the hope that one day I will be spending eternity with God. My heart breaks for those who do not know Christ. Not just because they will be separated from God for eternity, but because they have no hope now.
There are days when the only thing getting me through the day is knowing that all "this" is meaningless. My hope in Jesus Christ is what sustains me. Not only do I have hope for the future but I have hope now.
What do we hope for?
Is it the corner office with a large paycheck?
Is it the best car, or house?
Is it the perfect spouse?
All these things are meaningless in the long run. We cannot take our things with us in the end. We cannot even leave behind these things. Our stuff is going to end up in thrift stores, or at the dump. What we leave behind is the memories that people have of us.
Were we generous?
Were we a good friend?
Did we love people more than ourselves?
Did we love God?
All I can do is hope that I live my life pleasing to God. What I leave behind in memories will be what they will be. All I can do is love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind, and love others more than I love myself. No matter how difficult that is. I have to try. And when I am called home God will say, "Well, done my good and faithful servant."
What do we have to change in our lives to become good and faithful servants?
Peace
There are days when the only thing getting me through the day is knowing that all "this" is meaningless. My hope in Jesus Christ is what sustains me. Not only do I have hope for the future but I have hope now.
What do we hope for?
Is it the corner office with a large paycheck?
Is it the best car, or house?
Is it the perfect spouse?
All these things are meaningless in the long run. We cannot take our things with us in the end. We cannot even leave behind these things. Our stuff is going to end up in thrift stores, or at the dump. What we leave behind is the memories that people have of us.
Were we generous?
Were we a good friend?
Did we love people more than ourselves?
Did we love God?
All I can do is hope that I live my life pleasing to God. What I leave behind in memories will be what they will be. All I can do is love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind, and love others more than I love myself. No matter how difficult that is. I have to try. And when I am called home God will say, "Well, done my good and faithful servant."
What do we have to change in our lives to become good and faithful servants?
Peace
Rosded
So today was a good day. I got up early and relaxed got ready for church. I went to the Lakeview location of NewLife Community Church. For the first time I really felt like part of the church. This is what I mean. Having married friends is different than having having single friends. Everyone I know at the Portage Park location is married. Well almost all of them. But, one the preaching was amazing, (nothing against Paster Asa and Pastor Dwayne) but it was nice to see people that I know and who want to sit with me and eat lunch afterwards.
So we went to a Thai place, which now is my favorite restaurant. Rosded is in Lincoln Square, a great "hip" I guess you can say area. There was 9 of us and it was right around 6 dollars a person. I recommend with a large group of people to eat family style. I went with people from my Friday night small group.
The Sundays that I have had so far have been amazing. But I have to say I fit in so much better during this lunch. Again I think it is because they are around my age, with the exception of Roger and Jeanne, who lead the twentysomethings small group.
So we went to a Thai place, which now is my favorite restaurant. Rosded is in Lincoln Square, a great "hip" I guess you can say area. There was 9 of us and it was right around 6 dollars a person. I recommend with a large group of people to eat family style. I went with people from my Friday night small group.
The Sundays that I have had so far have been amazing. But I have to say I fit in so much better during this lunch. Again I think it is because they are around my age, with the exception of Roger and Jeanne, who lead the twentysomethings small group.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Finding Peace
Peace - freedom from disturbance: quiet and tranquility
How do you find peace in a world filled with disturbances?
How do you find peace in a world filled with disturbances?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Restlessness
Lately, I have been in this weird mood. It is hard to describe. It might be that the family and I have not been back to a normal schedule since I have been back. I am restless. Not only am I restless to find answers about Trinity, I am restless in my situation. I am ready for more in my life. I feel as though I am on the end of a diving board ready to jump in the pool that is my life. Maybe this feeling is coming on because I spend my spare time with friends who are all older, who are living "normal" lives. Or maybe I feel like this because I am spending almost all of my time with children. I feel like I'm in limbo, hanging in the balance between lives. I am ready for the next step in life, whatever that maybe. Now I wait and pray that God will guide me. But, also I need to pray for peace in my restlessness.
Be still and know that I am God. My body is still, but my soul is restless. Lord help me be calm, and stand in your presence with reverence and confidence. You are God, and my life is yours, do with it what you will, I am here to worship you.
Peace
Be still and know that I am God. My body is still, but my soul is restless. Lord help me be calm, and stand in your presence with reverence and confidence. You are God, and my life is yours, do with it what you will, I am here to worship you.
Peace
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