This year has been short. I have learned so much, about God, my relationship with him, families, and so much more. I feel like I am 18 again going to college for the first time. I know that I am suppose to go to Divinity School. I want to go to Divinity School. I think, for the first time, I am actually scared about my future. So scared I want to cry.
God help me, Father I need your guidance. I am shooting in the dark, it feels like at least. I am unsure. What if this is not what I am suppose to do. But, what if it is and I don't go. I have so many ideas that pop into my head about what I could do. How can I do all of these things and still afford to live. How can I write possibly a book and still eat. How can I study Greek and Hebrew and learn how to teach others about church history without going to school. I want to see people grow in their faith, I want to spend a live time seeing women realize that they are loved and that they do not have to believe the lies the world tells us. I want women to grow into godly women and marry godly men. I want to marry a godly man and raise godly children for the next generation. How can I do this and eat. The only answer is with God's help. I cannot do anything with out the power of the Holy Spirit working inside me. What if God wants me to speak in front of people. God did you see my preaching final tape. God don't you know I bounce when I get excited, and talking about you gets me excited, my leg bounces when I am sitting down listening to what you are doing in my life. God me really you are picking me to do this. I know I have been through a lot and I know that you have saved me from those situations. God I do not know how this is going to work but if it is your will, then lets go. Lets do this thing. I don't even know what this thing is. If I am going to be single for my life lets do it. who need a husband. I will find a way to help guide young women to grow in you. I will volunteer in church, brother and sister programs, I will do what it takes for my passion to become my vocation. Father, all I want is to see your kingdom grow now. To see your children come to you. I do not know your will for my life God but, I know you will be beside me walking and guiding my way. Father, I feel unprepared, unimportant, a nobody. I am, nothing without you. You are what wakes me in the morning and you are what I fall asleep with. One day I will see your face, i pray full of joy saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Father, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, in my life, my family's life, and all those who love you. Let your perfect plan unfold before our eyes.
Amen
